This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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