i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He better not be in your backpack
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
