why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
