i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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