3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
