Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
