I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
