If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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