farters have to be the big spoon...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
