Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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