ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
