Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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