How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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