I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His hands were made for my vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
