Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
