Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
