Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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