a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize