just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
