i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Let's get the cat blown out
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
