Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
