apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's get the cat blown out
A+ Viking dick
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