His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize