apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
