i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize