All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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