Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
