Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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