I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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