hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize