Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a hot homeless man
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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