She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
