so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
