if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
