So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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