just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
