What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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