i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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