How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
