Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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