It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize