Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
