Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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