we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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