You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
