My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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