my phone needs a breathalizer
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
someone owes me an orgasm
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
