Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
