you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
