This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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