You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
