I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
