is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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