this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
