Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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