day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
