Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
