i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do vagina's smell?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
