You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
