Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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