I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
