So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
