I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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