I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
