Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize