Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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