I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
