I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
