just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
