Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
