fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
