he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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