I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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