Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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