he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The power of my boobs compel you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
