Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
