make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
